Debriefing and Renewal

Luke and I had the opportunity to attend a DAR (Debriefing and Renewal) seminar the last week of July.  It was held at Mission Training International in Palmer Lake, Colorado.  This program was for any missionaries who had spent time on the mission field and were coming back to the US for a time. Topics included: stress, burn-out, soul care, healthy goodbyes and hellos, etc.

We took this week as a wonderful gift from God.  We were very thankful that an anonymous donation came in to pay for more than half the cost of the conference!  And an added blessing was that our kids could spend the week with their Grammie and GrandDad, leaving us with kid-free meal times and evenings - a great chance to hang out with others or process what we'd been learning each day.  

Though the program is pricey, we found it very helpful and would highly recommend it to any missionary who has spent any amount of time on the mission field.  It is so well worth it. 

Here's why...

It gave us a unique opportunity to spend quality time thinking about, processing, and expressing ourselves about our time on the mission field.  What's more, we were able to do this in a beautiful, relaxing setting and among other missionaries experiencing the same kinds of things as we were.   

We went into the week not expecting or even hoping to make any new friends and it was really neat how God surprised us with some new friendships.  Even though these couples had ministered in different countries than us, there was a lot we had in common!

Keep reading for a few samplings of things that I personally learned or was encouraged/challenged by during this week:

1.) I can have the freedom to speak in paradox.  

For example in the Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens says "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."  It's okay for me to express my time on the mission field as being both hard and good.  That's the reality for me; it doesn't have to be one or the other.  

2.) There are concrete losses and abstract losses when you leave the mission field.

Examples of concrete losses: house, dog, school, car, friends, job, language, etc.

Examples of abstract losses: identity, memories, purpose, freedom, adventure, simplicity, etc.

3.) We grieve the things that we love.  We honor the things we love when we grieve them.

I've never thought of grief in this way.  Thankfully, I learned as an MK that it was good, healthy, and normal to grieve the loss of my home left behind.  I gave myself permission to grieve and that was so good for me.  But I hadn't thought about how grieving is tied to honoring people and things we love and have lost.

4.) Clarify specifically what the loss is. 

One idea was doing a "grief cascade" where you detail a loss specifically.  Instead of just saying I lost a friend, you say I lost a shopping buddy, confidant, movie pal, someone to laugh with, etc.

5.) Time given to inner renewal is never wasted.

And yet somehow we so easily don't take the time because we either don't recognize the need or believe in the benefits.  Or maybe it's guilt that holds us back.  For some reason we think we need to keep giving and giving, not focusing on taking care of ourselves and cultivating our relationship with the Lord.

Very thankful for our facilitators, Dave and Trish!